The Wings Of Remembrance
by Shocking Pinx
Summary: Jesse and Suze are lovers. On the night that Jesse proposed, an accident occured and Suze lost her memory of Jesse in the process. And a certain someone takes advantage of this current situation. Will Jesse win Suze back or will he lose her in the end?
1. Angst, Woes And Endless Misery

A/N: Yo guys! I'm not exactly sure what made me do this but yeah. Thank you so much for giving attention to this story. If i get reviews i might continue since i'm pretty busy but with determination, i might be able to give you a second chapter and continue this till the end. So please review if you think i should continue this and if you like it. :)

She was clad in a white blanket, her pale face still and empty of any expression. Her pulse was slow, almost still, though it was there. Her chest was falling up and down slowly, her breathing being supported by a tube. The sunny disposition I'd become so accustomed to was gone, replaced by a coldness that seemed so unlike her.

She was broken. My Susannah. My Querida.

And it was my entire fault.

Sure, friends and family told me that it wasn't my fault, that it was an accident..

But they weren't there when it happened. I wasn't able to save her. I wasn't able to do anything at all to save her from this state.

Drops of tears fell on her hand which I was gripping in the hope that maybe, just maybe, she would squeeze my hand back with the warmth that I _desperately need_ to feel.

But, alas, the time has come for the visiting hours to end and Susannah hasn't shown much- no improvement at all. I ran my hand down her face affectionately but gently. It felt like she would break in a million pieces if I don't do it gently. She was that fragile. I was doing that action – the running my knuckles at the side of her face movement – quite frequently that it has almost become a mannerism. When I did that to her, back when she was not in this horrifying and troublesome state, she used to smile lazily back at me. Her eyes filled with such intensity that it hurt – so so much – not to see that kind of emotion in her eyes again.

Her eyes were closed. Not even blinking. No sign at all that she was there and was holding on.

A creaking of the door was heard but I kept my eyes fixed intently on Susannah's face.

"Um, excuse me Mr. De Silva, but the visiting time is over. You can always come back tomorrow to visit Miss Simon. She's quite improving you know," she said in a sympathetic voice. What she was saying was useless. I was always here, all the time, wanting to know if she can even blink or move a finger but.. _none_. Nothing at all. I believed the lie like a child because it was easier than accepting that Susannah won't have a great chance of recovering or even waking up.

I nodded at the nurse and said, "Si." I stood up and leaned over to kiss Susannah in the forehead. "I'll be back tomorrow Querida. I promise."

A voice in my head said, "It's not like she's going anywhere." But I just shove that voice out of my head.

I slowly and numbly walked to the door. Everything has become blurred and frighteningly dark. When I was with Susannah, everything was colorful and full of life. It was like every smile, every word and every kiss gave me the strength to face all the troubles in my life. She taught me to believe in myself and have self-confidence. She taught me that it's best to be yourself all the time and it's no use pretending to be someone you're not.

Now that she's gone though, her physical self anyway, all of those evaporated. Like life was meaningless.

I stopped walking suddenly. So suddenly that the woman walking behind, walked into me and gave a muffled, "Oof." She gave me a glare. "Look where you're going why don't you?"

I climbed in my father's car and cursed loudly. I just saw a black two-seater Audi – the reason why I stopped walking so suddenly. I had stopped because that car brought me back to the night where all this lifelessness started.

_Susannah's red cocktail dress flowed around in a circle as I twirled her around in the air. She has just said yes to me when I asked her if she wanted to marry me. A warm feeling has engulfed me, bathing every inch of me and I didn't want it to go away. I gently placed her on her feet and she clutched my shoulders tightly, her face blushing and all smiley. _

"_I love you Susannah," I whispered in her ear huskily, my hands cradling her head._

_She smiled and she answered while she stared at me eyes the whole time, making sure that I hear and understand what she was going to say, "I love you too Hector 'Jesse' de Silva. More than you'll ever know."_

_I closed my eyes, savoring the moment, before leaning in to kiss her. Kissing Susannah is the third best thing I've ever experienced. The second best thing is loving her and knowing that she loves me just as much. The best thing of all that is this night. We were finally going to get married. After two years of going through trials and triumphs with her, she was officially going to be mine. She was going to be Mrs. Susannah de Silva. I shivered partly at the thought, and mostly because I felt Susannah's soft, gentle hands encircled my neck and pressed herself even further in me. _

_I deepened the kiss by sweeping her mouth with my tongue. Her own tongue flicked against mine and I groaned in pleasure. I pulled away breathing very heavily. _

_She frowned as she always does whenever I break of our kisses. As much as I want to, I cannot give in to what my body, my soul and my heart craves because if I do, I might lose control. That's the thing about kissing Susannah, I wasn't usually in control with myself and I always go so forward with her. And certain people always catch us_

_I laughed raggedly as I saw her frown. I took her hand and said, "Let's go home now Susannah. We have all day tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that too. I can go on forever you know."_

_She smoothed back her tousled hair and said, "Okay. But you owe me one kiss."_

_I chuckled and said, "Only one? You can take as many kisses as you want Querida Just.. not now. You need to go home."_

"_Jeez Hector. When are you going to stop being so old-fashioned?" she snapped teasingly, her eyes twinkling with humor._

"_Let's call it being a gentleman Susannah."_

_She rolled her eyes at me as we went out of the restaurant (where I proposed to her at our second anniversary) and into my car, a second-hand black two-seater Audi. One seat for me and one for Susannah. She likes it too because according to her, "You won't be able to date girls behind my back with that kind of car." You see, the girls in our college like guys who are rich and have brand-new convertibles and such. _

_I turned the engine on and smoothly ran the car. From the corner of my eye, Susannah was staring at the ring I gave her (A simple silver band with little diamonds all around it) like she couldn't believe what was happening._

_Okay. I know she said yes.. but I just need to ask._

"_Susannah?" her eyes snapped at me questioningly. "Do you think that this is all going too fast? I mean I know you're happy and you accepted my proposal but what if you change your mind all of a sudden?" I asked. I was feeling nervous all of a sudden. _

_She rolled her eyes at me affectionately and said, "Jesse. I said yes didn't I? That means I've made up my mind. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I want to have a family with you. I want to grow old with you. Nothing and no one would change my mind ever. And one more thing Jesse: I love you. You don't know how much I love you but I know that you can feel it. And I think it's about time we settle down."_

_Her words comforted me and I felt this kind of know the kind: the one which you don't want to go away._

_But instantly as I felt it, the warmth was wiped away and fear took its place. I saw a car that did an overtake and it got hit by a ten-wheeler truck that suddenly came rushing into view. I glanced at Susannah and saw that she had seen the horrifying scene as well. Her eyes were wide and scared as she gripped the seat tightly._

_The impact was so great. For a moment, we watched the poor car spun madly around until it hit us too. We propelled backwards into a wall and my head crashed in some place that was hard. I was so afaid. Not for my life. But for Susannah's. I struggled against the shakiness and tiredness that my body was experiencing as I unbuckled Susannah's seat belt._

_We need to get out of here!_

_I held her unconscious body and got us both out of the car where my body finally collapsed. I still held Susannah's hand._

_Don't let go.._

_Her face was pale and crimson red blood was flowing from her head. No, no, no, no!_

"_Susannah," I breathed as I felt and heard shouts of people and hands supporting me. "Help her," I said quietly._

"_Sssh it will be okay," somebody said. _

_The last thing I saw was Susannah's face, pale and lifeless-looking. _

In the present time, I heard a honk and I noticed that the light was already red. I turned the engine on and maneuvered the car across the road.

I would never ever forget that night. As much as I want to, the images of Susannah, so helpless and rigid, kept flashing through my mind.

God. I wish that this was all a bad dream and I'd wake up with Susannah comforting me as she always does. "It's only a dream Jesse. No need to get afraid. It's not real. You're okay now. You're okay because I'm here now."

_Where are you now Susannah? _

I just want her to hug me with those frail and delicate arms, to assure me, to comfort me.

"Jesse dear," I looked up and saw my mother, her eyes sympathetic and motherly looking.

"Has she -?" she began but I cut her off by saying, "No mother."

I don't like it. I don't like when I feel her absence so much.

What's that quote again? 'Never make someone you're everything because when they're gon, you're left with nothing.'

Something like that.

…

My mother pulled me into a hug. Hugged her back fiercely. I didn't want to feel the tears again so I just imagined that my mother was my Querida. But it felt wrong. She wasn't her. She's too soft, my Susannah. No one can compare to her.

I ended the hug, feeling crushed than ever, and went upstairs to my bedroom. I just want to lie down in my bed and sleep.

Although.. I don't know if I'll fall asleep that easily. I patted the gray pillows and blankets. Ha. Gray. I'm about as lifeless as my girl –

I ran a hand through my hair and I lied down on my bed rather heavily. I exhaled breathily as I closed my eyes shut furiously to prevent the drops of water called tears.

I failed once again to stop them from falling. Just like the way I failed to stop my heart from falling in love with Susannah back then.

I sighed.

_Damn._

Another day without Susannah…

A/N: What did you think? Hmm Please review.

Oh and yeah.. i might be able to upload another fanfic. It's actually the product of Faith Merchant's and mine's tagteam. That sounds grammatically wrong... Oh well. not exactly great with grammar and stuff. So yeah, my point is i'm begging you to read it and give it a chance? Thanks a million! :)


	2. Awoken Yet Forgotten

A/N: Here's the second chapter! In Suze's POV... Special thanks to Blue Brat24 and Ivoryyy for reviewing! :)

Suze's POV

Ouch. How long have I lying in my room like this? God. My head hurts. And my whole body is aching like crazy.

Hold on…

Did I just get laid?

Oh no. My mom is so going to kill me!

I willed my eyes to open but my stupid ocular organs won't do as I order. It feels like somebody have recently put some duct tape in my eyelids. Okay enough bullying me around brain! Open you stupid eyes!

My eyes wrenched open so suddenly that I was blinded by this light that was filling the room. It was so bright. I shut my eyes hastily. But something made me open them again. Wait a minute. This isn't my room.

So the I-got-laid theory was right after all.

I whimpered loudly. Where was I anyway? The room has a flat screen TV and has a yellow wallpaper with blue forget-me-nots dotted all over it. I looked to my right and I saw a sidetable with a vase of flowers and a book with the title 'Why my cat ran away.' That has got to be a nursery kid's book.

Omigod.

What if the one who I've recently erm.. 'messed up with' was a child??

Oh no. He'll suffer serious trauma. No wonder the poor kid was not here.

Or what if he's a guy who's married and has a dozen kids?

Where was I last night anyway?

All I know is that I was Jake's college graduation party and stuff. I did drink, but it was only a small amount.

And I usually know how to handle my own drink so what gives?

I looked to my right and I saw.. a dextrose that was attached to my left hand and a woman wearing a white outfit and white hat. Oh. That explains it then. I didn't get laid, I just had an accident that's all. Well, I was used to being in an accident all the time so this was nothing new. But this accident is by far the most painful. Every part of my body would shout in protest whenever I make the slightest move. Maybe I fell down the stairs again. Maybe I fell down two staircases. Or three.

The nurse was looking at me curiously before saying, "Miss Simon, I have already inform your parents that you have woke up. They will be here in about ten minutes."

I just stared at her. Why did she have to call mom and Andy? They are so going to ground me.

"Do you feel strange? Or do you want to go to the bathroom?"

I shook my head but instantly felt a dizzying sensation.

Ouch. God, that freaking hurt!

"Ow," I said rustily.

She smiled kindly at me before saying, "Please don't do anything unnecessary to hurt yourself Miss Simon."

Wow. I didn't know nurses were kind. I guess I just generalized that all nurses are mean and cranky after I went out of the Carmel Hospital just recently. That woman practically shoved me out of the door because I haven't given her any tip! Hmph. I didn't even knew back then that nurses need tips!

"Call me Suze", I smiled at her.

"Alright then. Suze. Doctor Fletcher will be here in a minute to explain to you your current condition."

Huh? What condition? I feel perfectly fine. Well, except for the aching and pounding of my head and body. It feels like being thrown out of a roller coaster that has many loops as the islands of Indonesia!

The door suddenly burst open and I saw my mother and Andy running towards me, looking worried and very troubled. This is why I don't carry an identification card at most times. So your identity will remain a mystery until you get out of the hospital. And nobody will need to phone your protective mother and stepfather. Or anybody for that matter.

"Susie? You're awake? Oh thank God! I called Jesse and he will be here soon! Oh God, Susie. You're awake!" my mom gushed as she hugged me. Not to mention that my whole body is aching and my head is throbbing so OW. And who the hell is Jesse? Honestly. My mother forgets Max's name sometimes. I know that she doesn't love the furball much but she's got to give the guy some credit. Just imagine the hardships he's facing whenvever he picks up the newspapers. Daily.

The nurse moved hastily so she can pat my mother on the shoulder. My mother let go immediately but she rested her hand on the side of my face. "Mrs. Ackerman, she's not really well yet, so if you can just hold out your love and affection for a while so she wouldn't feel more pain."

My mother nodded and stroked my hair gently.

Now that I was looking at her closed-up, I noticed some lines on her face that wasn't there yesterday. Jeez she really is worried.

"Are you okay Suze? Do you feel weird?" Andy asked me.

Why? Must I feel like that?

"Um.. not really. I'm fine now."

The door opened again and a guy with a notebook on his hand came in. I guessing he's the doctor.

"Ah. So you really are awake Miss Simon."

And what's wrong with that Mr. Ph D graduate?

"How are you feeling?"

Thank God he didn't ask me if I feel weird or strange.

"Um.. Not exactly fine because my head is pounding rather a lot and my body is aching so much. It's just like I've been thrown out of my room by a wrestler and I fell down two flights of stairs." I explained.

I hoped he get what I was blabbing about. But I guess he did since he nodded his head and said, "Well. That's to be expected. You may need therapy so you're physical well-being will return to normal. Okay Miss Simon, I'm going to ask you questions. They may seem obvious but please answer them without using any.. uh violence."

I glared at my mother and she smiled apologizingly. What exactly has she been telling Doc?

"Ask away Doc. Don't be afraid of me." I coaxed him.

He laughed and said, "You really are something Miss Simon. Okay. What is your full name?"

Pfft. That's easy.

"I'm Susannah Simon."

"Who are your legitimate parents?"

I cast an apologizing look at Andy and said, "Helen Simon Ackerman and Timothy Simon."

"Very good. And where do you live?"

"I live at Carmel, California."

He paused and wrote down some notes.

He looked me straight in the eye like some kind of hypnotizer. Seriously, all he needs is an ancient clock swinging like a pendulum. "So, how old are you now Suze?"

Jeez. He gets all dramatic and he asks me my age? Really. What kind of doctor is this?

I opened my mouth to answer this very much obvious answer we door burst open once again. My jaw dropped.

There was currently a man with dark hair and really dark eyes. He was wearing a gray shirt and leans. He was breathing hard from running and he looked like he was about to collapse. From what I don't have any idea.

I wasn't particularly giving much attention to that. But at his - SELF-CONTROL Simon!

God, this Latino is really hot.

Okay, with the hotness aside, I feel very annoyed. Um rude much?

This is my private room thank you very much. I don't want anyone even a guy who is uber hot to just interrupt my question and answer portion with Doc.

I looked pointedly at him and said, "Um, excuse me? Who are you? We're in the middle of a very important discussion and you're in the wrong room."

Don't look at me like that. He may be cute but I just had an accident for crying out loud. Sue me if I want to have an alone time with Doc.

That sounds so wrong.

The guy looked shocked and affronted. His eyes showed hurt and he wasn't doing anything to conceal them Or rather he was really that hurt and he can't conceal them.

God, this guy is so sensitive.

I looked around the room and I saw that everyone's eyes were on me. My mother looked like the guy: shocked and clearly affronted. Andy was puzzled; the nurse was worried and sad while the doctor looked like he was expecting this from the start.

"Ah. Knew that this was going to happen. Mr. De Silva please sit down," the doctor waved his hand at the chair beside the bed I was lying.

He made his way quietly to it and sat down looking at like I was a new specie of lizards or whatever animal he's interested in.

Wait. The doctor knew him. Oops. Gotta apologize.

"Um," I cleared my throat to bring his attention. Not that he wasn't looking at me but whatever. "It seems that the doctor here knows you so I'm sorry for my outburst earlier. I'm just cranky whenever I'm in the hospital. I'm Susannah Simon but you can call me Suze," I raised my hand to shake his but the guy just looked very sad and looked up at the doctor, expecting for some sort of explanation.

"What's this all about Doc? Why doesn't she remember me?" he half-shouted at him.

The doctor shuffled uncomfortably. Probably he was preparing to tell some bad news. Oh no. I have cancer now haven't I?? Oh please don't say that. Please don't say that. My mom won't be able to take it!

"Er.. Mr. De Silva, Mr. And Mrs. Ackerman.. what I'm about to say is pretty depressing so brace yourselves."

I just stared up at him. Way to scare them Doc.

"It seems that Miss Simon here has forgotten certain events in her life that occurred before a traumatic event which in her case is the car crash. I still haven't diagnosed how bad her condition is but we'll know after this question. I'll repeat Miss Simon, how old are you now?"

I'm feeling kinda freaked now. Everyone was looking at me and I'm sweating! "Uh.. I'm twenty five years old."

There was a deafening silence and everyone looked stunned. Mom started to sob loudly and Andy patted her on the back, murmuring words to soothe her.

I looked questioningly at Doc.

"What did I say?" I asked helplessly.

"I'll answer your question later Miss Simon." He wrote down some notes again while I felt sick. I've just made my mom cry and everyone looked sad. What have I said? ""It seems that you have retrograde amnesia. You have forgotten two years of events in your life that had happened then. And for the record Miss Simon, you are twenty seven now."

I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat. Hard. I can't believe it. I've got amnesia.

I slumped in my bed and stared at nothing at all. I was imagining all the things I've probably done in those two years and now.. they just vanished. I can't remember. Nothing was swimming into view. I screwed up my face and think. What had I missed?

Ha. Many many things.. Awfully important events.. And now I've forgotten. My mind was a blank.

"So I've lost two years of my life. Big deal," I muttered bitterly.

There was a scraping of a chair and next thing I knew the guy who was beside me a while ago has his arms in the wall on either side of my head. "Big deal? The doctor announces that you've got amnesia and you say 'Big deal'?"

He was breathing hard and glaring at me. But his eyes were a different story. It showed a lot of emotion. Betrayal, hurt, pain, bitterness and something so deep I can't even decipher what that look means.

"Don't you know Susannah how much of your life revolved around those two years? How much had happened then? And here you are acting like you don't give a damn even if you don't remember them!"

I was scared. He was shouting at me and looking really angry and frustrated.

"Now Jesse. This is all sudden for her. It's okay. She's just frightened that's all." Andy said to him while the doctor got him away from me.

Andy was right. I was frightened. I don't know if I'll be able to remember so much information. Imagine.. you need to remember two years of your life. Surely so many events had happened then. So many significant things that have probably changed my life. But now I'm back to square one.

My mother moved towards me and hugged me gently. "It's okay Suze. We're here to help you remember."

I hugged her back. Moms were made to make you feel better. And with those comforting words, I did feel better.

But when she pulled away, I felt tears started streaming my face. I felt so lost. Like I just entered an unknown dimension and there're no maps to help me come back home.

I buried my face in my hands and just cried silently, my body shaking in my attempt to stay silent.

After a few minutes of that, I felt hands, large hands pulled me and just held me. After a while, I recovered and looked up. I saw that it was Jesse who hugged me. He was so.. warm. He was still stroking my hair and one of his hands was still rubbing my back assuringly.

I pulled away and said, "I'm okay now. I just want to know Doc, will my memories ever return?"

"Eventually, if you're lucky. But in some instances.. they may not."

I bowed my head. "One more thing, when am I going to go home?"

"You need to stay here for a week so you can rest and recover but after that you may go home to continue your resting there. And you'll need to come back here twice a week for your therapy."

I nodded and just lied there in my bed with my eyes closed. I don't want to see anybody yet. Not in this kind of state. Not when I have forgotten so many things. I might've even forgotten people.

"You can rest now Suze. And you guys may go or one of you can stay here for the night if you want."

"I will," I heard Jesse's voice.

I whimpered inwardly.

"Jesse," my mother's voice said tentatively, "It would be better I guess if I stay here tonight. You can stay tomorrow night. I just want to look after my daughter."

"Of course. I will go now Susannah. Please take care and goodnight." He said softly.

I nodded but kept my eyes closed.

"I will go now too Suze. I'll bring food for you later on." Andy said.

"Thanks Andy. God knows I've missed your cooking for two years." I joked.

He laughed and said goodbye to my mother saying that he'll bring clothes too.

The doctor left and the nurse told my mother that she would be back after fifteen minutes to check up on me.

Silence.

My mother sat on the chair beside me and stroked my hair. "Everything will be okay Size," my mother said, noting the tears streaming down my face. "I'm here. You'll be okay."

I clutched mom's arm until I fell asleep.

I hope you're right mom. I don't want to forget..

A/N: Just finished the 2nd chapter. Hope you liked it! Please review? Thanks...

.


	3. All Hail The Wise Bradley

A/N: Woah. I haven't updated in like months? School has ended here and i'm really grateful for that and now i can go back to writing some fics or updating them as the case now stood. i would love to thank these persons for reviewing:Ivoryyy, eszt, little sparra, jediahsokaroxx, Faith Merchant, and ticklemecutie!!!

Thanks guys!

And now let's get on with the story.

Suze's POV

"_You look beautiful honey," my mom said as she snapped pictures of me. _

_And my white dress. My overly overflowing dress slash ballgown. It was the annual Winter Formal at the Juniperra Mission Academy and some senior guy by the name of Noel asked me to be his date. _

_And I said yes. _

_Sue me if I said yes but what the heck! A girl has got to have some fun sometimes. Just imagine if you were in my shoes: a product of a broken family, a good mother and stepfather who don't deserve me, three stepbrothers who I've got to put up with the rest of my life and a zero lovelife._

_The above are the ingredients of the recipe for a boring and painstaking life._

_So I said yes. Thought that it would add a little spice on my night, if not on my life. I'm only a Freshman and girls from that year level don't usually experience the Winter Formal after another year or so unless somebody from the higher levels ask them of course. So I guess that's why my classmates, especially Cee Cee, are envious of me at the moment. Considering that Noel is a studly guy too. _

_Anyway, the doorbell rang indicating that said stud in question was right behind the door with a corsage and probably adjusting his tie or ribbon. Whatever guys wear with penguin suits. _

_I don't really have the right information about these kinds of things. Even though I've got three stepbrothers. Okay the two might usually wear those things – penguin suits – but the other one might not even know what to wear to such events no matter how smart he is. _

_My mother's eyes twinkled (her eyes usually do this; no doubt that she can't wait to meet my date) and walked gracefully to the door. With a flourish, she opened the door to reveal Noel in a – as I have predicted – tuxedo. He looked incredibly handsome. My cheeks burned at the thought. _

"_H-hi," I stammered intelligently. _

_Noel smiled at me before saying "Good evening Mrs. Ackerman," to my mother. _

_My mother said, "Good evening to you too Nate."_

_I cringed. "Mom, his name's Noel."_

_Noel kind of laughed. "Don't worry Mrs. Ackerman. I get that a lot."_

_I kind of frowned. I mean how many girls has he been taking to dances anyway? Not that it's my business but – _

"_It's the corsage," he said to me, cutting of my train of thought. I noticed the velvety black box and I took it from him with shaking fingers. Damn. I slowly pulled the silky white ribbon and opened the box. Inside was a beautiful, perfect yellow rose._

"_It's beautiful," I can't help but gasp softly. "Thanks Noel."_

"_Don't mention it."_

_My mom instantly clicked her camera and produced a picture of us. _

"_Mom," I whimpered, mortified. _

_Noel just laughed. I think that's in his nature. Always laughing. _

"_We need to go now," I said hurriedly before my mother could embarrass me in front of my date. _

"_Take good care of my daughter Noel. Please bring her back by eleven o'clock," my mom said as if I was a bag that needs to be delivered back home or else. _

_Noel nodded. "Yes ma'am."_

_Noel took hold of my hand and guided me to his car. I slipped in as he started the engine and maneuvered the car in the road. _

_Things didn't go smoothly as I remembered it. _

_A car overtake us but it seems that it didn't see the ten-wheeler truck zooming at the opposite road with as much speed as a rocketship. _

_Either that or the guy driving the black convertible was nuts. _

_The result of the complete idiocy of the guy?_

_The truck hit the car sending it spinning out of control. During the spinning-wildly-out-of-control, the black car hit us, which sent us spinning towards the wall. The impact was great. It was like falling from the sky like those guys with parachutes. But you fall with no parachute. _

_But this was no fall. It was a hit. The wall broke because of the impact sending us smashing through many things until we hit a tree. The tree smashed to the ground with a deafening roar. _

_And I was glad I survived. Well almost survived, I corrected myself as a great black cloud of unconsciousness engulfed me into nothingness._

I bolted awake, drenched in sweat, and realized slowly that it was a dream.

No. It was a nightmare.

Jeez. That dream – nightmare – back there really shook me up.

Because it was real. Noel coming to pick me up for Winter Formal and giving me the yellow rose as a corsage, that was real.

The car crash that happened after that wasn't.

Wait one freaking minute. Didn't doctor whats-its-name said that I had a car crash?

Maybe that was it.

But then did the car crash happen during my freshman year?

No, can't be. I'm already working. At least I know I'm working. When I was twenty-five years old, I was working as a secretary of a large firm.

What could have happened then? Had I move on to a different job?

I don't have a clue. And nobody would tell me anything. They keep telling me that I'm not yet ready, that I wouldn't be able to handle it.

That's bogus.

I can handle anything.

If I have enough information and memory anyway.

I placed a shaking hand to cover my mouth and closed my eyes hastily, blinking back the tears.

Oh crap. Why do I have to think about 'memories' all the time?

Um.. maybe because that's what I'm lacking?

I took deep breaths and slowly lied back down in my bed.

I looked from right to left, finding my mother. I want comfort. I want reassurance.

I want to be okay and be told that I am okay.

But she wasn't there.

Nobody was there, even the nurse.

I was all alone.

If this had happened two years ago, with my memory intact and all, I would've breathed a sigh of relief and think, "Alone at last." But it's different now. I don't want solidarity.

"It's nice to know that they've got showers in there. Even if they are a bit tiny," I heard voice said.

I looked around and saw my mother dressed in a cotton blue blouse and black pants with her hair wet. She has a pink towel with her, which she used to dry her still damp curls.

From the looks of it, she has just taken a bath. I envy her. I probably smelled like I need one badly at the moment.

She spotted me and a look of concern flashed In her face. After checking out if I need anything she said brightly, "It's good to know that you're awake. Not awake like you do in the mornings but you know.. it was really hard seeing you in a coma honey. It shattered my heart to know I can't do anything about it."

"I'm okay mom. I'm awake now. And the doctors can't do anything about it too at that time so don't push yourself too hard."

She nodded half-heartedly like she was still blaming herself for me now waking up sooner but then she changed the subject. "Are you hungry dear?"

I nodded vigorously. "I'm starving."

Oh let me tell you. I was only fed nutrients through some tube in my coma days for a few months. Imagine, not eating for those months!

"Good. Andy would like to fatten you up. He said you resemble a stick now. He's coming here with your brothers. And some of your friends. And Jesse of course."

I arched an eyebrow. "Mom why does he have to be here, like all the time?"

"Don't be rude Susie. He cares for you so much." My mom told me reprovingly.

"Mom.."

I need to ask. I just need to.

"Mom.. Who is Jesse? I mean really? Is he a friend or something?"

My mom's eyes looked pained for a moment before saying, "It's best not to tell you right now and not from me. But it's also best not to ask him something like that. At least not so directly. You might hurt him unintentionally. And that would be rude. Very rude."

I have no idea what she's talking about.

oOo

The door opened minutes later to reveal a woman carrying a basket. She has dark brown hair, an oval face, slightly plump body and familiar dark eyes.

"Susannah." She said softly. Her voice was nice and gentle. Just like my mother's. Although hers sounded like she never shouts at anybody, not even at cockroaches.

She tentatively walked in and my mother glanced at her. "Oh Laura! Come inside."

The two women hugged and mom took the other woman's things while the said woman took a sit at the side of my bed and looked at me. "How are you my dear?"

"I feel fine Mrs.. Laura," I mumbled shyly.

Laura's eyes looked pained as my mother's a while ago but she quickly arranged her features into a smile. "That's good Susannah. But you can call me Laura."

I smiled. "Okay. And you can call me Suze."

She shook her head. "No. Susannah suits you more."

I was about to discover that this woman is stubborn.

Her eyes went wistful for a moment and she gave me a small laugh. I looked questioningly at her. "I'm sorry dear. It's just that.. this is what we actually said to each other when we first met. The exact same words. It's good to know that you haven't changed."

"It's good to know too." I said after a pause. And it was good to hear that I haven't been different. I was worried that I'd been a different person since.. well after two years. "Um.. who exactly are you?"

I caught my mother's eye and I saw that she was frowning as soon as she heard me. "Oops. I didn't mean that to sound rude but – "

"I understand. It's okay. A certain.. person introduced me to you. I'm one of your friend's mothers."

I just stared at her. Who could it be?

Laura looked at her wristwatch and she looked up at me with an apologetic glance. "I'm sorry Susannah. I need to go to my daughter's school now. She's such a troublemaker."

I nodded. So her child is a female.

She stood up and said goodbye to my mother before kissing me in the forehead and saying goodbye to me too.

"Oh and Helen?" she called back as she was about to close the door shut. "He'll be here in a few minutes with the others."

And it hit me as suddenly as lightning.

The usage of my full first name.

The same elegant behavior.

The familiar eyes which were almond-shaped, dark in color and intense.

She was Jesse's mother.

"So.. that woman back there? She was Jesse's mom?" I asked my mother who was busying herself by emptying the contents of the basket Laura brought over.

My mother glanced at me for a second before returning to her work. "Yes Suze. She is very gentle."

"Yeah. But she can't compare to you. No mother can compare to you."

Mom laughed. "You amuse me sometimes Suze. But thank you. No daughter can ever compare to you too. Even if you are such a trouble-maker. I'd have you other than those girls who are always timid and never makes trouble."

I cracked a smile. "Thanks mom. You're the best. I'm.. lucky, so lucky you're here." My voice broke.

"You need to be involved in accidents more often. So you can tell me what you really feel."

I laughed.

"You haven't changed Suze. Not a tiny bit."

I gaped at her. How can she know that I was so worried about that?

"I'm your mother Suze. I just know. It's frustrating, I know. But I'm here. And so are your friends. We'll be here to support you all the way. And we'll be here even if you don't retrieve your memories back."

"Mom." I whined. That was so not the kind of thing I was hoping to hear.

She smiled as she pulled me into a hug. I didn't say anything and just let my mother wrap her arms around me, feeling her motherly warmth. It feels so good to be loved.

Just then the stupid door opened and my mother pulled away from me to looked at the intruders.

Okay not so much as intruders as they are my stepdad, three stepbrothers, Cee Cee and Adam and Jesse de Silva himself.

So much for privacy.

I blushed seeing as I was becoming more and more self-conscious with every passing second since I was only wearing this little blue-green hospital dress that's not only super out-of-date but also embarrassing if anybody caught you dead in those.

And it has a hole in the back.

Talk about embarrassing.

I quickly reached for my blankets and pulled them a little higher. My mom walked to the door and ushered them in. Andy sat down beside my bed. His sons went to the couch and turned the tv on. Jesse excused himself to get a cup of coffee and Cee Cee and Adam stood at the foot of my bed smiling tentatively.

They've all matured. Jake no longer has that sleepy form of him which makes him a total stud. Brad looked older too but I bet he's still the same. David dropped his 'geek style' and if you don't talk to him you wouldn't know that he's a genius who knows about stuff like velocity and pressure. Cee Cee and Adam looked mature now too.

God knows how Adam did that.

Andy suddenly asked mom if she could show him the main office although it was at the entrance and easy to spot. I guess he wanted me to chat privately with my friends.

Adam and Cee looked pretty much freaked out. I probably looked like hell that's why they're faces reflected something like mortification. Anyway, after a moment or so they finally sat down on either side of me and just gaped.

Well, this is awkward.

"Guys," I said slowly. "You do know that all your staring is making me self-conscious right?"

Adam grinned and Cee slowly gave a sheepish smile.

"So… how are you doing Suze?" Cee asked.

"Fine… I'm all fine now if you exclude the fact that I can't remember a thing about my past. Well.. two years to be exact." I babbled.

"Never fear my Simon dear! Your loyal servant will make you remember your past in a jiffy. The McTavish way of course." He said, smirking.

His left eyebrow went up, up.. way up as if to say, "Huh? Huh? Whaddya say to that?"

I glance at Cee who was trying her best not to laugh. "I don't like the way you said 'the McTavish way'. It kinds of creep me out."

"That's the first step of recovery: Admission." He shouted.

Cee Cee giggled. "Admitting that she thinks you're an idiot?"

Adam wrapped an arm round her shoulder. "So long as I'm your idiot right?"

Very original Adam.

I looked at Cee and saw that she was blushing but smiling in a sick lovesick sort of way.

Seems that Miss Webb still hasn't gotten over Mister McTavish.

WAIT.

Replay.

"So long as I'm your idiot right?"

Holy Crapola.

I stared at them with eyes wider than a plate's circumference. "W-wait. You two – tell me if I'm mistaken okay? – a-aren't going out right?"

Adam made a face. "Simon that's like a gossip nine months ago."

My eyes bulge even larger.

"Whoa. Congrats! That's wonderful!" I exclaimed.

Adam smiled. "You know what you did nine months ago when we first told you?"

I shook my head.

What part of I have an amnesia and can't remember anything does he not understand?

Surely mom told them the basics:

Mom: Suze has amnesia.

Adam: Oh no!

Cee Cee: Don't worry. It's not contagious.

Adam and Mom; ….

Cee Cee: I mean – Oh the horror! My poor best friend!

Something like that.

Anyway, back to the present. Cee Cee laughed. "Oh God! You can't believe what you did to him! You punched him in the stomach in shock. Outside Coffee Clutch!"

I laughed while Adam winced, recalling the horrifying event.

"It was horrible! Everyone was there! And I fell on the ground clutching my stomach, writhing I pain." Adam said.

"But I said sorry after right?" I asked him between laughs trying to imagine a writhing Adam which wasn't too difficult.

"No. You went to Cee and hugged her while jumping up and down. And then you went back inside Coffee Clutch muttering about buying vanilla cappuccino. You guys never even looked back at me. The worst thing was – and believe me I thought nothing bad could happen after the punch – was some hot chicks passed me and dropped coins beside me like I was some beggar suffering from appendicitis!"

I laughed even harder after that. Oh poor Adam! "Well I'm sorry Adam. Even though it's belated and all. "

"Anyway," Cee said seriously. "I think it's time to give you my gift Suze."

Adam coughed.

Cee scowled. "Our gift I mean." She then handed me a box wrapped with in this gorgeous wrapper designed with pink cotton candies.

"What's this?" I asked them.

"Oh it's just a little something I thought," Another cough from Adam. "_we_ thought we might give you."

"You know. What with you miraculously surviving the accident and all." Adam said.

"Yeah. Even if I was left with abnormal memory." I said bitterly.

Cee glared at Adam and just urged me to open the present. So I did.

It was.. it was..

"I know you can't remember where this happened but.. we had a good time then. So I thought that I should develop it and give it to you. So you can have a souvenir of it too." Cee explained softly.

Tears started welling up in my eyes and I hastily wiped them away. It was a picture of us: Adam, Cee and me. I was at the center with Cee Cee's and Adam's arms around me. It looked like we were having a really good time. And get this: the Eiffel Tower was behind us!

"Oh my God. I can't believe this! Were we really there? In Paris?!" I asked incredulously.

"No, Cee just Photoshopped it for you," Adam said nonchalantly.

Cee slapped Adam on the back of his head. "Idiot! Of course I didn't! Aunt Pru wanted to go to Paris and she's got three tickets. The two tickets were for her friends but she got sick. So she gave it to me and I thought that you guys would love to go there so I invited you guys."

"So this wasn't Photoshopped then?" I asked smiling a little.

"Well no. I wouldn't do something like that. You know that." Cee replied. I hugged her and she hugged me back.

"Geez. Why do you girls always have to be so mushy?" Adam complained as he screwed up his face.

"Oh Adam come here," I leaned forward and I gave him a hug. "Be good to Cee 'kay?"

"Am I ever anything but?" he asked shrewdly.

I laughed. "Oh it's so good to know that you guys haven't changed! Not one bit."

"Is that an insult Simon?" Cee asked, her left eyebrow rising in mocked disdain.

"A compliment for you Cee but a downright insult to Adam," I joked.

"Hey!" Adam exclaimed. "I have so changed! Mom says so."

I laughed again. Seriously, I get why Cee likes/loves him. It's because he's funny. Anybody would love a guy who can make you smile even if you're in the deepest of pits.

Cee's phone vibrated and she groaned. "I have to go now Suze. Sorry sorry sorry. But if you could only remember my boss – Mrs. Flitwick – well she's a bitch-boss-from-hell. She'll fire me if I'm a minute late in this meeting."

"Forget a minute. She'll say 'You're fired' if you're a nanosecond late. So.. we really must get going Suze," Adam said.

I nodded half-heartedly. "Sure. But you guys will come back right?"

Cee and Adam both nodded. "Of course! But we might not be able to come back tonight. Maybe tomorrow."

I smiled and hugged Cee for the last time before she stood up. Adam waved goodbye and they walked to the door and were gone.

"Are they really gone?" a voice came from somewhere in the room. I looked around since the voice was strange and I'm sure I haven't heard it before.. but still, it sounded a tad familiar. Then I saw Brad flicking through the channels in the TV. He was sitting in the sofa with Jake and David on either side of him. They appear to be sleeping. Funny, I never thought that it would be Brad who I would be able to chat with (hopefully that's not true and wouldn't happen in a million years. I have nothing against him but I just don't know what he would say to me. 'Hey amnesia girl' or 'Forget much?" Something like that. And we all know that I'm a bit sensitive right now. A tiny thing could tick me off and make me cry. That was a part of me I never thought I had).

He turned around and looked at me. He's still the same but his features got more mature. "Cat got your tongue?"

I glared at him. "Well, they are gone. You can't see a white-haired girl here anymore and her boyfriend right?"

"Well no. Unless they discovered some way to be invisible," he said dryly.

Okay so he hasn't changed. At all. He's still the idiot that I've got to put up with until I marry someone and move out of California.

"Hmph. Well now that you've found out that they're gone, why don't you do me a favor and stop being a gullible idiot?" I retorted.

He rolled his eyes turned the TV off. He stood up and started walking towards me.

"Geez. Didn't think that losing your memory would soften you up a bit. You're still as hard as a rock."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "So I haven't been like… gentle? At all?"

He started cracking up. "You? Gentle? You haven't got a gentle bone in your body. Just a plain loud, stubborn personality."

I frowned.

"But I guess that's what lured some of the guys into you." He continued.

"Huh? What do you mean?" I asked blankly. I have no clue to what's he saying.

He smirked, clearly enjoying that he's the only one who gets what he's talking about. Well, everybody has firsts. But then his eyes suddenly went sad. "Look Suze. Quit it."

Okay. He's lost me again.

"Huh?"

"Just me answer me straightly okay?"

I nodded.

"No side comments. Just your regular plain old answer that would be answered by the plain regular you."

"Okay. I think I get it Brad. I mean your instructions are for the kindergarten students not for someone with an IQ like moi – "

He cut me off with an almighty "What did I tell you about side comments Suze?"

"Fine fine fine. You don't have to treat me like a kid whose brain is smaller than a peanut."

He stared at me with a bored expression. "Let's try again. And this time please no side comments."

Fine. It's a miracle that Brad has learned to use magic words like please.

I pouted and crossed my arms. Keeping my mouth shut is harder than I thought. "Okay Brad."

He smiled but in an instant it was replaced by a stern look. Never in my life I once thought that Brad could do stern but I guess I was wrong.

"You're not playing any game right? You're not doing this to hurt Jesse or something? Or maybe to test him?"

"What?! Brad! You are such an idiot! I am not pretending to have amnesia stupid! God! What are you thinking?" I shouted at him.

His face became distressed. "Sssh. Okay okay. Maybe you're not pretending to forget. I'm sorry. That was pretty stupid of me. I guess I just didn't want to believe that you can't remember anything anymore."

Brad looked shaken up. Weird. Normally he wouldn't be this concerned about me. I guess he's changed after all.

Hmm.

"This is bogus. After all those years of sucking up to you…" Brad murmured.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Well, let's just say that I've formed a kind of bond with you. Like a sister and brother bond. And now it's all gone."

I went quiet.

Maybe Brad was lying or making this up but I honestly believe that he wasn't. He looked so sad and brotherly looking.

"It doesn't necessary have to be gone Brad."

He looked up and I smiled at him. He grinned at me in return. Well more like he ruffled up my hair.

"Gee thanks Brad, now my hair's gone wilder."

I don't even remember when's the last time I combed.

Which was typical of my amnesiac state.

He just laughed his stupid laugh and grinned at me.

"Do you want some chips?" he asked while waving a pack of chips.

My ravenous stomach protested as I shook my head. I was way too busy going over his words.

"Say Brad?" I asked to get his attention from his chips. "What do you mean by I'm only doing this to hurt Jesse?"

He visibly tensed and just stood there with his back to me. "Um.. never mind that now Suze. Really. I was only trying to figure out if you're lying or not. Obviously you're really sick."

I arched an eyebrow at him. "Brad just tell me. Jesse was there when I first woke up. His mother came here to give me a basket of treats and you – you're telling me… Or rather not telling me something regarding him."

He looked really stuck like he didn't want to tell me anything but he knows that he has to.

So I tried to help him out. "Is he a friend of mine by any chance?"

There was a pause.

"Yeah. He's a really good friend of yours."

I looked at him, waiting for him to say more.

"Suze," he started looking really uncomfortable like this was a subject he'd rather talk with anybody but me. "This is between you and him. I have no right to tell you what…" he stopped himself and offered me the chips again.

I took a few and munched them quickly. "But I don't even know him. I don't remember him. How am I even going to talk to him?"

"Well, you'd be surprised if you suddenly remember your past. That ought to shock you," he said cryptically.

"Brad, I don't remember okay?"

He sighed and looked at me with a frustrated expression. "Suze. You gotta learn that the past is only the past. Make most of the present. I know that the present is kind of stupid and confusing and doesn't make any sense without the past but in your case you have to move on. If what you do everyday is try to remember what happened back then you'd be left out and in your own time too. But it would be good to remember the past. Just don't strain yourself too much. It would come to you in its own good time. It was only two years Suze. You'll catch up soon enough."

Who would've thought that Brad could go wise just by doing whatever he did in two years. But I was so moved by this pep talk. As in way beyond you could imagine. I was staring to tear up again when Jake and David woke up simultaneously.

Brad started to walk to the couch again when I grabbed his sleeve and whispered, "Thanks Brad. For the advice."

He smirked and said, "No problem. I just want to have the usual Suze back: the one who's always up for challenges." And with that he sat at the couch and offered his brother some chips.

I'm thankful I have them: a very supportive family and friends. I sure hope I can get through this though. And hopefully get my memories back in the process.

~ FIN ~

A/N: Well, the third chapter's up. Hope you guys could review? Thanks!!!!


	4. I'm Home

_A/N: To eszt thank you very much for giving me your feedback. Harlequin99 – thanks for reviewing! Narcika – I'm glad you found it alright! Thanks for R and R-ing! Pauls_Girl 3 – Thanks a lot! Jediahsokaroxx – This is a really late update (the year's almost ending) but thank you for reading and reviewing! animeloverxxx – T_T I am so sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'll try to update sooner now. And thank you for reviewing! yfit – Thanks! Oh and here's an update :D_

_So here I am, practically baffled how much time has passed since I've last updated. I guess I just haven't noticed that I have a fanfic to finish. Er. Make that **fanfics** - plural. I've totally stopped writing and posting my chapters. So my readers probably have given up on me. Really. What kind of fic writer am I? I'm a lazy excuse for an author._

_But really. I'll try to be in my fast – updater mode now. I have one? Sweet._

_Yeah. So here is chapter four :D_

_P.S. Did I say something about Suze not having mediator powers? Funny. I can't remember. Eerrrr. For the sake of literary purposes, I, Shocking Pinx, am declaring that Suze's mediator powers returned to her._

_Gee. I sound like Merryweather. I do not have a blue tutu though. Shutting up now. Cough._

_Disclaimer: I do not own The Mediator. I do own Ruby, Kim, Nora, Jackson and Finn. Oops. I do not own the said people. E. Lockhart owns them. Sigh. Enjoy? :D_

oOo

"Let's try to be sensible here Suze."

Those words just made me want to not be sensible if you want to know. I mean, let's try to be sensible? What's she insinuating anyway? That I'm not sensible enough?

There I was in the middle of the room glaring at the woman sitting opposite me, my hands balled into fists and my eyes shooting daggers at this woman who supposedly has a Ph D in mental health.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw me lower my hands. "That's it Suze. A little bit lower please…"

I rolled my eyes and sat down in a huff at the purple bean bag situated beneath me and crossed my arms so as not to indulge on my violent urges towards my personal shrink.

What was I doing in a room filled with bean bags and a madwoman you say? Well apparently since I just came from a traumatic accident I needed to fill up on my physical as well as psychological therapies. The physical therapies have gone smoothly. So smooth that I need not go back till next week. As for the psychological one, well. It couldn't have gone any better. Not.

It was just like I was back in Brooklyn again and Mom was trying to make me a better and a more sane person. It wasn't as if I could tell her the truth. You know… about the thingsiprefernottosay.

At least this was a different scenario and I wasn't being dragged around by policemen and stuff. But really. A woman who was trying to talk me into a heart-to-heart conversation? That's more than I could handle.

I looked impatiently at the clock hanging behind Dr. Zaczkowski. Or just Dr. Z as she told me to call her.

Fifteen minutes. Fifteen blissful minutes of therapy and I can finally bolt out of this place like a free zebra. Er. Don't look at me like that. You don't know what therapy can do to you. It does, for instance, makes you feel like a trapped animal and you can't think straightly.

Believe me, I don't loathe therapy. Much anyway. It's just that I prefer not to talk about things that I have no control over.

"That's exactly the reason why therapy was created in the first place Suze," she said when I voiced out my thoughts to her. "You need somebody to help you decide how you're going to take control of the situation you're currently in."

"But if it's beyond your control, why do something right? Wouldn't it be better if you just sit around and go with the flow?" That's what I'm good at, i thought fiercely. I'm better with winging stuff than doing things that have been planned so thoroughly. God knows that even well-planned things don't necessarily go as they are planned to be.

"Suze, sometimes you have to take the initiative to do something for yourself. For example, if you got into a fight with a friend, instead of waiting for her to apologize first, why not do it yourself? In that case you guys would make up and wouldn't miss out on each other anymore," she explained patiently.

Okay. I get the point. But it's not exactly the same with my current situation is it not?

"Yes Suze but you asked me a question so I answered it."

Smehkaleen.

"Now let's get on to more pressing issues."

Honestly. I thought psychiatrists were supposed to be calm, peaceful and whatnot? They're not supposed to be brisk and make their patients have a nervous breakdown by the way they talk.

"How do you feel about your situation Suze?" she asked me in a hush tone and leaned forward to be more dramatic. Tsss. Shrinks.

Ah. Here goes the question. Howdoyoufeel?

I'm burning. I'm burning with the passion to scream right now.

"Like everybody who gets amnesia of course," I said evasively.

She waited. And waited. But was disappointed. "Do you want to elaborate on that?"

"I feel… er," I looked at the room and saw stuffed cows at the shelves. There were stuffed cows next to some horribly looking jar filled with green liquid and what was horribly looked like a dissected frog. "Confused?"

I mean who wouldn't be confused to know that there are people who can simultaneously love stuffed animals and dissected amphibians? It was just… so random.

She nodded and willed for me to continue.

"I mean um… half the time I don't even know what to do… what to act. It was as if…" I took a deep breath and braced myself to admit something to her. "I'm scared. I'm scared that over these past two years I've changed. For the better or for the worse I don't know. What I'm sure is I've changed. And the people around me – Mom, Dad, my stepbrothers - they all seem to like me more. And I don't want to blow their trust. I just want to be the Suze Simon they've learned to love, to appreciate. I just want to be … me. I know that sounds crazy but when you have amnesia, I feel that saying that I want to be me is the most normal thing you could ever do."

I bowed my head. Geez. Saying all that drained me.

"Suze. You're afraid you're going to change right? You're afraid that everybody you know would expect too much of you. To ask you things you won't be able to give in your state. But I think that you have the simple solution to your problem right in your hands."

"I have?' I asked disbelievingly.

"I remember your mother telling me that you're a smart girl. Why don't you tell me what you think before I tell you mine?"

"I completely have no idea."

She gave me a stern look. "Suze you haven't even tried."

I rolled my eyes and thought of something. "I think the solution is to accept help from others instead of unleashing the 'violent me' on them?" I asked as I threw her an apologetic glance. I wasn't exactly behaving a while ago.

"Correct. I think you should also … well to just be yourself," she told me. "There's nothing more you can give to your loved ones than being just … well, you."

To just be me?

Okay. I can deal with that.

After that, our hour was up and I went outside to see Andy sitting on the hood of his car. "Therapy went fine?"

I nodded. "It was a bit bizarre but nothing I couldn't handle."

He placed an arm round my shoulders and said, "That's my girl. Are you ready for your Welcome Home party?"

I groaned inwardly. I was so not ready for this.

Andy must have seen anxiety in my face since he said, "Don't worry Suze. Your mother only invited a few people."

"How many is few?" I asked him tentatively.

He laughed. "Just the family, a couple of your office mates and the De Silva family of course. Cee Cee and Adam couldn't come due to conflicting schedules. They called a while ago."

"That's few?" I asked nervously.

"That's few," he agreed.

If that was Mom's definition of few I'm already worried about her counting abilities. She could've just said many and get it over with.

The ride back home was pretty quick which was quite unfortunate for me as I am already anxious with the welcome home bash mom arranged for me. I was almost ready to run from the ancient house and bolt to the woods. But noo. My lower extremities took me to the direction of our house and my hands (traitors!) opened the door just as Andy commanded me to do so.

What a sight.

I was laughing and laughing until I doubled over in pain.

You know why?

Because the supposed birthday bash committee (mom) hasn't finished putting up the final decorations for the party. The streamers were still hanging in her left hand and the party poppers? They were a little bit late in popping.

It looked like a disaster.

This might seem not to be much of a big deal to anybody but believe me that it is for me. My mind told me that I was not the only one in the house who wasn't ready. Ready for what? I wouldn't know.

It made me feel that I belonged. Like I wasn't being left out on something huge. And that eased me more than you could ever imagine.

Soon everyone was laughing too. And when the laughing stopped, Mom finally finished putting up the decorations and stuff. She made me sit down in one of the sofas (red ones, new ones).

Mom hugged me. "Well, how did therapy go?"

"It went fine," I said shortly.

"You still know them right? Ruby, Kim, Nora, Jackson and Finn?" she gestured at the people sitting on folded chairs.

"Duh," I said. They are my co-workers and my best friends. They're all crazy.

I stood up and hugged each one of them. Mom went into the kitchen muttering something about pies.

I meanwhile, am feeling self-conscious that all my friends are looking at me like I've sprouted antlers or something.

"Quit that guys or I'm going to lock myself in my bedroom upstairs," I said irritated.

They laughed, their creepy staring already forgotten. Let me introduce you to the gang: Ruby Oliver is a frog-obsessed girl. No not with the amphibians. With the er… Let's just say that she's crazy for them when they're not real. She likes thrift stores and is a really fun girl to be with. Kim Yamamoto is the daughter of the Yamamoto surgeons and happens to be quite an over-achiever but recently became a rebel. She's a social worker now too (just like me) instead of being a lawyer like her parents wanted her to be. Nora Van Deusen is the peacemaker of the group, you know, when we're kind of in a battle with our other co – workers who happen to be a bit obnoxious. She loves photography and basketball. Jackson Clarke is the laidback one in our group. End of description. Finn Murphy is the one who has shrimp hair (very thin hair and it's kind white-blonde too) and acts like a five year old (very immature but who knows? He might've changed). He happens to cook very well too. I'm surprised he didn't want to be a chef.

"So Suze, how's your head?" Jackson being the insensitive one asked.

"Still attractive thank you very much," I said with a wink. "How about you guys? You want to update little miss forgetful here?"

All of them glared at me and my choice of words. All but Jackson Clarke. Told you he's pretty much insensitive.

"Well sure but what do you want to know?" he asked as he surveyed a vase.

"Well… did I do great? Or was I pretty much pathetic?" I asked. "You know, with my job. I haven't been fired have I?"

"If you've been fired we wouldn't be here would we?" Kim countered.

Nora glared at her. "Fired or not we'll still be here."

"No you haven't been fired Ms. Forgetful," Ruby said.

Whew. "Wow. How did I manage that? Last I remember I was pretty much in a fight with Mrs. Oliveri."

Mrs. Oliveri was our superior. Pretty much like our boss by the way she's always acting. And I had a snit with her regarding paper cups. That's right. Paper cups.

"You won't believe this but you and Mrs. Oliveri? Yeah you were this close," Finn said as he brought two fingers up.

"You're kidding me right?" I asked them, shocked.

They all shook their heads.

"Well what on earth happened?" I asked them.

"You didn't tell us why. You just told us, cryptically I might add, that you and her have more similarities than you could ever imagine. And that's all it took for you to be the best of friends," Nora explained.

My eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. "Well that's a relief."

"Not anymore," Jackson said.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because we happen to have another superior right now. And she's worse than Mrs. Oliveri. Well worse before you two became close and all that," Kim said.

"Why do we have a new superior?" I asked.

"Because Mrs. Oliveri retired," Finn said.

"Oh." Just when I became close to her too. "Tell me one thing though, you guys haven't changed right? At all?" I asked them in a stage whisper.

They smirked. "One must continue to grow Suze," Ruby said. "Of course we have. But tell us about your adventures at the hospital first."

"Adventures? You've got to be kidding me right? You cannot have adventures in that place. Believe me I've tried."

"You are so lying! Your mom told us you were just lying in bed all day," Kim said.

Yeah well what else do you expect?

"Anyway, we brought this for you," Nora said giving me a wrapped gift.

"What's this?" I asked.

It was kinda flat but not entirely. And it was huge.

"A signed photo of me," Jackson said. "Didn't anyone tell you? I've officially become a Hollywood actor now."

"Nice try Jackson," I said.

"It's from all of us. Took a lot of hours of my sleeping time but I didn't mind," Finn said.

"Yeah especially since I baked cookies for all of us which you ate shamefacedly huh Finn?" Nora taunted him.

"Aw don't be that way Nora. You know how much I love your cookies,"" Finn said.

"Anyway we hope you'll like it," Ruby said.

"Aw thanks guys," I said as I give them another hug. It's good to know they haven't changed all that much.

Kim looked at her watch.

"Don't tell me you guys have got to go now," I threatened. Being a social worker takes up a lot of our time.

"I think I say this for all us when I say we'd rather be here and make you warm and comfortable and all than face Ursula's wrath," she said.

"Why Ursula? And why do you work on nights now?" I asked.

"Because she's fat and cranky all the time," Kim said with a frown.

"And we work nights because the other guys totally hog the morning schedules now," Ruby complained. They all stood up and fastened their cloaks on.

"Wait just one moment. When will my break be up?" I asked.

"Anytime you want," Jackson answered.

"Ignore him. Next month you can start working again," Nora said.

Next month? Neat.

I walked them to the yard and looked at the new car parked in front of me. I whistled. "So who just turned sixteen here?" I asked teasingly.

"Careful Simon. That's my baby you're taunting," Jackson said warningly. I snorted and waved goodbye as Jackson started the car.

As they disappeared from view, I heard another car coming towards the lane. My pulse quickened. Was it - ?

I squinted through the darkness and saw someone from the male specimen driving the car. Adam perhaps? My heart beat faster as I recalled Andy told me about Adam and Cee not being able to make it because of their schedules. And besides that face was way too much… er.

I swallowed as I recognized Jesse as he parked his car in front of me. I thought Andy said the De Silva family? There was only person here! That doesn't count as a family!

"Good evening Susannah," he said courteously.

"Um… hi," I said timidly as I became aware that I was only wearing a blue cotton dress that barely reached my knees. I probably hadn't shaved my legs. Ag.

"So uh.. dinner's about to start. Why don't you come inside?" I asked him.

He nodded as we walked back towards the house. Ah crap. Why wasn't he saying anything? I looked around as if doing so might help me think of a subject for us to talk about. "Um.. the moon's very bright tonight."

Smehkaleen. Who talks about the freaking moon?

I heard him chuckle. "Yes I can see that."

I blushed feeling stupider than a … Oh would you look at that? I guess nothing's stupider than me.

"So how are you Susannah? I've heard from your mother that you've finally finished your physical and mental therapies," he said conversationally.

Finally! A decent topic!

"Not really. I've got to come back twice a week for them. But I'm done for this week," I said.

"How was it?" he asked.

"Frustrating," I confessed. "But I managed. Which is really good for me I guess. Considering …. Uh well it's me. I'm not really good when it comes to uh… Saying what I feel. Which was necessary for my psychological therapies you know. Not just for me but for other people who needs shrinks too since they've probably had accidents too or they just need them because uh…"

"Jesse! It's so good to see you," my mom saves me again from abject humiliation. I can't believe I was babbling out there.

"It's nice to see you too Helen," Jesse said as he gripped my mother's hand.

"Well Andy's in the kitchen, he's just preparing the desserts. Why don't we go to the dining room?" Mom asked.

We followed her and we saw that the table has been set already. I see no Max though. Where is that dog?

"Mom where's Max?" I asked Mom hesitantly.

"Oh he's with David upstairs. Speaking of which, excuse me while I call him down," Mom said as she exited the kitchen.

Oh dear. Now we're alone again. "So where are your friends Susannah?"

"They uh.. left," I said. "You know, due to their jobs and all. Cee and Adam won't be able to make it because of… Well Andy said something about schedules."

Why do I feel so awkward with him? Why can't I look him in the eye? If I keep this up, he might think I have a crush on him.

"Cee Cee's really busy now since she's the editor of the Carmel magazine now," Jesse commented.

"Really? Wow. That's big," I said.

He nodded. "How about you? Any idea when you'll be going back to work?"

"Kim told me, she's my co worker, well she told me next month should do it. And I can't wait to start too. Lying around in bed can be really… tiring," I finished lamely.

He chuckled. "Only you Susannah can say that you're tired from relaxing in a bed."

"Well it's true. I'd rather get my butt out there in the work field than stand around doing nothing," I said defensively.

"I believe you," Jesse said. "But until then, you're going to enjoy your work-free days huh?"

"Yeah. Although I don't know how to enjoy them without being bored to death," I said lightly.

"Then why don't you come with me?' he asked. "We can go to the park tomorrow if you like."

I shrugged. "Why not? At least I know one day where I wouldn't do nothing."

"It's a deal then?" he asked.

"It's a deal," I agreed.

I can't believe myself! I was practically letting my stupid mouth do all the talking. But for some reason beyond me, I couldn't say no to this guy.

"Mom it was just a phone call!"

I looked up and saw David rushing to the table in a huff. He was flushed just like his hair.

"Aw David no need to be embarrassed," Mom cooed at him.

"What happened Mom?" I asked her as she entered the dining room.

"Why don't you ask David to tell you?" Mom said with a wink. "I'm going to the kitchen to see if Andy's finished."

I turned my attention to my ketchup of a brother. Stepbrother I mean.

"So what's going on?" I asked him mischievously.

"Nothing," he said. He was blatantly refusing to give more information. Tsk. He really was growing up. Well, considering he was twenty-three now and all. Woah. He is twenty-three years old now! How freaky can you get? It almost seems like yesterday that he was just celebrating his twenty-first birthday. These siblings. They grow up so fast.

"I wouldn't consider a phone call nothing Doc," I said, putting emphasis on my nickname for him so he wouldn't forget that he's still my little stepbrother and there was no need to act all mature in front of me.

He stared at me, aghast. "How much did you hear?"

"Oh enough to tell me that you have a date with someone of the female species?" I waggled my eyebrows at him.

He scowled at me. "Suze just drop it."

"Oh come one David. Indulge me. Who's the lucky girl huh? Shannon? Do you still like her?" I asked but was cut off with –

"For your information Suze. Shannon and I broke up ages ago."

"What?"

"I don't really want to talk about this anymore," he said as he glared at his spoon.

I was aware that my mouth was gaping open and I hurriedly closed it. "Woah. Sorry David. That was really insensitive of me."

David gave me a small smile. "Don't worry Suze. I got used to it."

It was my turn to scowl. "Forget about me being apologetic. I take it back."

Mom and Andy entered the room with lots of food. Mmm. Andy's such a food whiz. "Well tuck in Suze."

I nodded and happily filled my plate with every dish Andy cooked.

"Aren't we going to wait for Jake and Brad?" I asked Mom then taking a good look on Andy's face. He has a calm demeanor tonight. What gives?

"Oh we forgot to tell you Suze. Jake has a flat of his own now and Brad's probably at work," Andy said.

Work? I almost choked. Wow would you look at that. "Does Jake own a car now?"

"Yes but not because of the Peninsula. He has a job now that doesn't require shifts," David said promptly.

"Well good for him," I said.

"Anyway Jesse, I thought your parents and sisters are coming too tonight?" Mom asked Jesse.

"Mercedes caught the flu and all of them went berserk. They are sorry they couldn't come but they say that they will definitely come next time if you invite us again," Jesse explained.

"Of course Jesse. Your family is always welcome here," Andy said.

While they talked, I felt a slight disturbance in my knees. Looking down, I saw Max trying to look for food that I may have dropped during the conversation.

I rubbed his furry head affectionately. I missed you too Max. The dinner finished all too soon and I suddenly found myself walking with Jesse in the backyard. Something changed too even in this little piece of land. There were flowers growing in pots and bushes that I was certain weren't there two years ago. There was also a swing.

"Funny," I muttered when I caught a glimpse of the swing.

"Huh? What's funny Susannah?" Jesse asked me quizzically.

Dang. He heard me? "Nothing. It's just that swing."

He looked at the said swing. The corners of his mouth twitched upwards. "Never seen a swing before Susannah?"

I glared at him. "No. Not in our backyard anyway."

I fingered the metal contraption. Then I tentatively sat on it. "Who knows what Andy was thinking when he decided to put a swing here."

"It was a birthday present for your Mom," Jesse answered.

"For my mom? Really?" I asked in fascination. "Well that's really romantic."

"Your mother found it funny too. Like you did. She laughed when she saw it for the first time," Jesse smiled as he reminisced.

"Did I find it funny then too?" I asked him.

"No. But you were happy for your Mom. You helped Andy picked out the present you know. So it struck me as amusing that you're laughing at your idea right now," he said with a chuckle.

I stuck my tongue out at him. "I'm done laughing. In fact I think this is the best gift Andy ever gave Mom."

"Oh really?" Jesse asked in amusement.

"Yes," I said firmly. There was total silence afterward as I swung repeatedly. "Oh look there's the moon."

Smehkaleen. Me and my endless fascinations for the moon.

"And the stars," he whispered. The swing suddenly stopped moving as his hands pressed down on both of mine as he looked at me intently. "Do I have to tell you that this is torturing me?"

My breath caught in my throat as his eyes flashed. I was about to say something. I was about to since I was opening my mouth. But then –

"I'm home!"

Jesse and I pulled apart quickly.

"Oh hey Jesse! Hey Suze," Brad hollered at us.

"Hello Brad," Jesse responded.

Two things were going on in my mind:

BRAD! You idiot.

Brad! Oh thank God you intervened.

Because frankly? I was so not ready for what was about to happen.

I jumped off the swing. "Um I think I need to go home now Susannah. I need to check up on Mercedes, see if she's getting better."

I nodded. "Sure Jesse. Say hi to them for me."

He smiled. "Of course Susannah."

"You're going home? Already?" Brad asked as he shoveled macaroni down his mouth.

"Well it is rather late," Jesse said with a quick look on his watch. "Thank you for the wonderful dinner Andy and thanks for inviting me Mrs. Ackerman."

"It's Helen dear," My mother said.

"Right," Jesse said with a crooked grin. "Helen."

"Well drive safely Jesse," Andy said with a wave.

"I will sir," Jesse responded.

"Go," mom whispered as she gave me a quick shove.

"Geez no need to get rough," I whispered.

I walked Jesse to the front yard. Well I was quite lumbering back a few steps but I was still, technically, walking with him.

"Well goodnight Jesse," I said quietly. "Be safe."

Jesse smiled. He leaned to give me a quick kiss on the cheek and whispered, "I will and thank you querida."

My nerves tingled. I gave him a jittery smile as he drove away.

Wait. Who was querida?

Confused, I edged back towards the house where I saw Mom and Andy fussing over a big brown box. "What's that Mom?"

Mom smiled at me. "Do help us dear. It's the Christmas tree."

I gave her a huge beam and leapt over to them. As I examined the Christmas balls and garlands of many colors I can't help thinking that maybe my situation wasn't so bad after all. Sure it makes me feel confused at times, but it couldn't have gone worse could it? I could've been in a coma and not wake up for a few years or so. And between that and getting amnesia, I'd pick the latter anytime of any day.

oOo

_A/N: Well that's chapter four done. I hope you enjoyed reading it? Please review :D :* Thanks! ü_


	5. Only If For A Night

_Chapter 005: Only If For A Night_

_And I heard your voice as clear as day and you told me I should concentrate. It was all so strange and so surreal that a ghost should be so practical. © Florence + The Machine, Only If For A Night_

A/N: Two years have passed in a blur and for a while there I've forgotten about writing. Writing. What about it? Then it struck me. It is my life. I could not do without it. It was hard to continue this but I just can't ignore the impulse clotting my bloodstreams. With that said, I give you chapter five. Oh and forgive me for being so off-season (it's Christmas here) but I wanted to continue where I left off.

To those who reviewed for the previous chapter: Thank you guys! yfit - so sorry for disappointing you with my updating prowess :)) or lack thereof. APrincessThatNeedsNoprince - yes. it is paul. but he's one of the many =)) jediahsokaroxx - thank you! plainlyirnonic - aw thanks! kimmi0490 - my thanks is long overdue but thanks! Tessa - thank you for reviewing! loulabel246 - it is depressing isn't it? :)) but the next ones will be cheerful. i think. SteveAndSienna - thank you for the R & R! Vampirelastingfiore - thank you so much! fiorendita - why is that familiar? ;) here's the fifth XD LexBlueblood - thank you for reviewing :)

Here goes nothing.

-x-

Sunlight has broken and it was slowly creeping towards my room, edging from the windows. Bursts of soft pink and orange streaked in the skies; lightly painting the clouds with these colours. Though the scene was in every way beautiful it did not lift my pensive mood. Though beautiful it was it could not cure me from this abhorrent malady.

I sighed. Acceptance was the first step towards dealing with my situation but it doesn't mean that it's easy to be done.

I was at the window seat, my feet dangling surreptitiously and without a care towards the ground. I had been up at about four-thirty and I couldn't go back to sleep. I had already cleaned my room, folded my clothes and piled them back into my closet, and jogged for about an hour. There was not much to do but stare at the rising sun all the while hoping that its rays would cast sunshine back into my life.

Jeez. I am so gloomy this time of the day. I closed my eyes for a moment before swinging my legs off the window seat. I stretched and gazed at my room. The frilly pink four-poster bed was still intact and the furniture was still in their past positions. Some things have been replaced. Some things have remained. It seemed like every new item from my room was a part of a puzzle that was… in essence, me. Or to be specific, my past self. My past two-year self.

It was nice to know that I still liked reading magazines though.

A certain glow came from the corner of my room and I spun instinctively towards it. I caught a blue glimmer before the thing vanished.

I swallowed. What was that?

Dropping of pans from the kitchen startled me and I just scrunched my eyebrows at the thought of the speck of light that was in my room a while ago. Pushing the event at the back of my mind so it can be scrutinized later on, I headed downstairs just to make sure it was something human that made the noise.

My mom was apparently making pancakes.

I almost clapped in glee! Ah. The sweet comfort of pancakes.

"What kind of syrup do we have now Mom?"

"Chocolate ones," she replied while batting the mixture. "What did you expect? Metallic ones? It's only been two years Suze. Don't be so futuristic. They can't have invented crazy things that quickly. They can't even solve the global warming problem; you can't expect them to be interested in trivial things,"

I gaped at her. "Mom are you trying to be funny? I just thought you'd have restocked the strawberry flavoured ones."

She laughed shortly. It was the nervous type. "Sorry dear. We do have strawberry ones. They're in sachets. Just look in the fridge."

I scavenged for the packets of syrup. I got them all out – deliciousness! – and placed them in a platter.

"Mom. Why are you so tense?" I asked her finally. She was so weird.

She stopped with the batting and bit her lip. "Oh honey. I'm… I'm just not used to this. I'm dealing with it right now. I know it's stupid to act like this but – "

"Oh Mom," I quipped as I smile at her in a comforting way. "I'll get better. Soon. We'll get through this together."

"I know. You're a headstrong person Suze." She placed the pan and turned the stove on. "I just don't like it when you doubt yourself."

"No more doubting Mom I promise," I raised my right hand accordingly. "Now how about those pancakes huh?"

She gave me a smile – a small one but a smile nevertheless.

We had breakfast alone. Andy and David had business elsewhere and though it surprised me that they skipped breakfast – considering it was Andy we're talking about here – I felt glad that I can have some alone time with my mother.

"So what are you going to do today?"

I frowned. Did I have to do something? "Can't I just slack off?"

"Young lady you need to be out and about," she said patronisingly. "Have Cee Cee and Adam come with you."

I shoved some pancakes down my throat. "They have jobs Mom. Anyway, I am perfectly able to be 'out and about' on my own."

"Don't you have some place that you need to go to?" my mom asked; her eyebrows going up.

"Not in particular," I replied.

"I think you have an appointment for today Suze."

"Appointment for what? My therapies are done for this week."

"Oh I'm no good at this," my mom said huffily as she set down her fork.

"No good at what?" I asked – intrigued.

"At playing coy," she answered bluntly. "Didn't you promise you'd go to the park with Jesse?"

My face burned at the thought. Partly because I'd almost forgotten about that and partly because… well. Let's just say that Jesse's name has something to do with it.

"Oh yeah," I said shortly before stuffing my mouth with food.

"So do you have something to wear for your date?" Mom inquired.

I almost spit my strawberry-syrup-filled-pancake out. "It's not a date Mom," I chided her. "The guy was just trying to be nice."

I mean I'm betting that he asked only because my Mom asked him to.

"Yes, Jesse's a very nice guy," Mom admonished. "So you have to be nice to him too. Not to mention that you need to look nice when you're with him. Not that you're not beautiful enough sweetheart. You're gorgeous. But you don't wear dresses now and you looked very grown up in them."

Mom pointed at my attire. I was wearing my black denim shorts and a white shirt. I frowned. This was what I usually wear. For date, for walks in the park, for joggings at the beach. But apparently I wear dresses now.

Thanks a lot two-year-older Suze. You're currently giving me a headache.

"I'm calling Ruby and asking her to take you out for a shopping spree."

Before I knew it, she was on the telephone talking to my friend. I just shook my head in amusement and continued eating my breakfast.

-.-

"I don't think that could be called a dress. That's a handkerchief," I spit out in disdain while looking at a white "dress" that I think would barely cover my underwear.

Ruby just laughed at me. "I've worn shorter ones. You're such a conservative now."

Yeah she's probably worn shorter ones. Ruby's very confident about herself and there's no reason why she doesn't have to be. She's glamorous even when she's wearing pj's.

What does she mean I'm a conservative now?

"Well you were very open-minded when you met Jesse," she explained.

So what was she saying? That Jesse brought about this change in me? Wow. The guy had that kind of impact on me huh? I'm not surprised.

"Look how about we look for something that would reach my knees?" I was looking for compensation. Because really, I hate wearing dresses as it is.

"Fine. Let's go elsewhere," Ruby complied and steered me out of the store. "How about we go for something vintage?"

Vintage huh? Images of me in poofed-up dresses with embroidered poodles flashed in my mind's eye. I nearly gagged. I don't want to look grandmotherly in front of Jesse. I don't want to look grandmotherly in front of anyone period.

Ruby took one look at me and laughed slightly. "Aw Suze don't worry. Just leave the shopping to me. I've got your back. Your mom said something about a date with Jesse?" She was now smirking.

Fortunately my face cooperated with me this time and no tell-tale blush appeared. "Does Jesse have a habit of running away if he sees something unpleasant?"

"Suze," Ruby rolled her eyes – annoyed with my exaggeration. "The 50s was not unpleasant. You're not unpleasant. The only unpleasant thing about this is if you chicken out."

"Me? Chicken out?" I blurted. "Oh Roo bring it on."

-.-

"Are you decent enough?" Ruby called out.

"If by decent, you mean going bare and only in underwear then yes, I'm decent," I called back.

"I'm coming in," Ruby warned.

I shrank towards the other side of the dressing room. What was I talking about? There was no other side of the dressing room. It was too small in there. Ruby appeared shortly carrying about a dozen dresses in her arms. I exaggerate of course. But they look that many.

"Okay. I've got about everything you need. Since it's December, I've picked winter colours but summer ones seem to look good on you too. Just put them on and once you're dressed I need you to sashay out of this cave and I'll evaluate your look."

"Ruby all your talking is making me nervous," I shot at her. I nonetheless took the dresses from her arms and hang them on the steel cord.

I tried on the first one. It was the colour of peach and reminded me of creamy cakes.

"You look nude in it."

I jerked back towards the dressing room feeling grateful that no one was around. Except for the sales clerks that is.

I tried on the dazzling and shimmery blue one.

"You look like you're trying too hard."

Back to the dressing room it is then.

I picked the emerald green one.

"You are going to the park right? You look like you're going to some ball. And that would be very awkward for Jesse considering he's a guy."

I zipped up the purple one with beads on it.

"It looks wrong in you. I mean, when I picked it up I thought – "

"Roo! Are you still my friend? Why do you keep saying mean things?" I huffed.

"'Course I am. I'm criticizing you aren't I? Don't you want to look good later for you date?"

"It's not a date!" I almost whined at her.

Going back to the dressing room, I put the sleeveless red one trimmed with black lacings. I looked at my reflection in the mirror.

"No no no," Ruby shook her head.

"But look at it! I look like the most confident girl when I'm in it!"

"You're buying that of course," Roo said. "But the event is all wrong. Don't put it back in the rack Suze. I said you're buying it."

"But when am I going to wear this?" I was halfway to the dressing room.

"At a bar of course," Ruby said – her eyes twinkling mischief. "Or when you want to seduce Jesse take your pick."

My face burned. "I'm not going to buy this Roo if you keep saying that."

"Okay okay," Roo complied. "Just buy the thing. I'll look for the dress that will fit you."

I trotted to the dressing room feeling completely happy that I was at least buying something. If this doesn't work out, I'd just put on some jeans and be done with it. It's not as if I was going to a date. The guy was just trying to be nice.

"Get your hands off me!"

I stilled. I scanned the room for my friend and saw her with an elderly woman. They were squabbling and sales clerks were breaking up the fight.

"Look grandma! This won't fit you. My friend's got better curves than you!" Ruby was holding something to her chest – guarding some dress from the grandma. Er. I mean, lady.

"Oh Suze!" she cried out when she spotted me. "Give this woman the green dress quick!"

I tentatively approached the woman and handed her the green dress. She snatched it from my hand and glared at Ruby all the while.

"I'm so sorry for that," I told the sales clerks. "My friend just likes her vintage."

Ruby ignored the stares from the other customers. "This is your salvation Suze. Put it on."

"Aw look who's exaggerating now," I quipped at her.

Taking the yellow dress from her, I went back to the dressing room for what felt like the tenth time.

Barely looking at myself, I put the thing on and went outside for 'evaluation'.

Ruby's eyes widened. "I knew it. Soft yellow is your colour. Come on. Get back to the dressing room and we'll buy it. I'm late for my shift."

I looked at the mirror and saw exactly what she meant.

I went home feeling a warm glow radiating inside me. Two dresses! And I actually liked shopping this time. Maybe because it was with Roo.

"I'm back with two dresses Mom," I announced when I went inside the house.

Nora was sitting at the couch (red ones, new ones) and flipping the pages of a Cosmopolitan. "Oh good. You're back."

"Nora! What are you doing here?"

"Your mom asked for me," she started.

"Ugh," I muttered as I sat down next to her. "What did she want?"

"I'm supposed to make sure that you wear a dress and take care of your hair."

"I take care of my hair," I said as I pulled the ends of my hair towards my eyes to examine them. "Does it need trimming?"

"No," she said. "It needs styling."

-.-

"Can I take them off now?" I grumbled as I ate the chocolate chips I found somewhere in my closet. Jeez. What if they were expired?

"No. It's not been two hours," Nora said. She was lying on the bed and was sleeping for about half an hour now.

"Why do you get to sleep while I sit rigidly here in this hard chair with curlers in my hair making me look like Medusa?" I complained.

"You can sit on your beanbag," she mumbled sleepily.

I eyed said beanbag. It was in the form of a strawberry and it was hideously pink peppered with dark fuchsia spots. It looked foreign with the rest of my room. It didn't seem like me to just order a strawberry beanbag right?

I guess I changed.

I shivered at the thought.

An hour and a half later, Nora was brushing my hair fondly and I was getting a little sleepy from the hairbrush's strokes.

"There," she said. "Your hair's done. Just put the clips on. You do know how to put them on right?"

"Very funny Nora."

I reached for the diamond studs while Nora flopped back on the bed.

"I'm crashing for the night Suze," she informed me sleepily.

"Yeah alright. I'll be back in a while," I muttered nervously. I stared at the mirror speculatively.

Was that me?

She has long flowing hair and I think she worked hard to achieve this length. And it really suited her. Now the curlers worked their charm and she looked even prettier. But it doesn't feel like me. It felt like her. I didn't know how to be her anymore.

Suddenly, I was stricken by this horrible fear.

I can't do this. Was I pretending to be her? Did I want to be her? Can't I be myself anymore?

I was already down the stairs and the door was open. I bolted for it, trying to escape the closing feeling on my throat. Where I went, I have no idea. My feet carried me automatically to the place she ran to when she was afraid.

Did she even have any fears? Did she ever have second thoughts about herself?

I doubt it.

She was a different Suze.

-.-

There I was in the middle of a garden maze trying to sort myself out. I was a mess. Well, not physically at least. I still looked all right if the glances people threw at me were supposed to be flattering. But emotionally, I was a wreck.

I cringed at the couples who walked past me. Hand in hand.

Were we ever that way? Did I hold his hand? Did he hold mine? What was he to me?

I felt weak all of a sudden and I sat down at a bench with ornate iron curling into itself.

I hadn't noticed when a child sat next to me. Until she spoke that is.

"You have such beautiful hair."

I looked at her, startled at the marvel in her voice.

I smiled at her. "Thank you."

Her hair was curly too but it didn't look manufactured to me. Her dark brown eyes were staring at me with such innocence and she was wearing a dress that can compare to the colour of the oceans.

"Your hair is very beautiful too," I told her.

She beamed at me and it was so pure that I felt something glow inside me. "Thanks. My mom had curly ones too."

Had?

"Where is she? Is she somewhere here?" I looked side to side, expecting a mother to appear suddenly.

"Yes but I doubt that she'll stay for long," she answered me.

"Why is that? Are you leaving early too?" I asked her.

A frown appeared on her face and her eyebrows creased. It didn't suit her. I liked her when she was smiling. "Do you want me to leave early?" There was fear in her voice.

"No no," I said softly. "Stay. You can wait for your mom here beside me. Or we can go looking for her if you want."

"Oh," she said, her voice reflecting the surprise she was feeling. "No you don't understand. We can't go looking for them anymore."

I paused.

"We all have to move on. My mom's about to anyway," she looked in front of her.

And there she was. Her mother.

She was bathed in a light that looked familiar. It was familiar because my father was bathed in that light too. When he moved on.

And oh I finally got it. I understood.

"I'm sorry," it slipped from my tongue. Because she was so young. She can't have been past five years old. But then again, that was my age when I lost my father.

"Don't be," her sad eyes never left her mother's form. "I'm relieved. That she'll finally be where she needs to be."

The mother gave us both a smile that was neither sad nor pitying. It was a radiant one. The child beside me gave a smile just like hers. And I knew that she got it from her mother.

And she was gone.

"It was her favourite place," she continued saying as though nothing had happened. "Papa always took her here she said."

I was wondering how she can take it. It made me feel silly especially realized that I had just run away from… my date with Jesse.

My face reddened.

"Who is that?" the child asked.

I looked and there he was.

Set against the meticulously trimmed leaves, he was one heck of a vision. He looked like he just finished running, he was slightly out of breath and his hair was a little bit ruffled. He was wearing a white shirt that opened at the collar and the first few buttons were undone making me… imagine things. He also looked frustrated and angry but when he found me, his eyes softened just a little.

Then bam.

All the emotions I'd seen vanished and he was striding towards me, almost casually as if he planned this all along.

His face was calm and composed as ever while I… I was wincing at the fact that I tried to bail on him. That I bailed on him I mean.

He was standing in front of me now and I stared back steadily. I unconsciously wondered where my boldness was coming from although I was tongue-tied with embarrassment.

I opened my mouth to speak when he leaned in.

He flicked my forehead.

He just flicked at me!

"Ow," I grumbled as I clutched at my forehead. "What was that for?"

"For making me worry," he said. His tone told me that he was not pleased with me.

He was worried! My face burned at my thoughts. I was happy that he was worried. I was happy that he… cared.

"Did you have to make me go through all of that?" he asked as he placed his left hand on the bench while the other rested on the iron-wrought arm of the bench, effectively locking me in place and forcing me to stare back at him and answer his question.

"What exactly did you have to go through?" I asked, my voice for once cooperating with me.

"You have to ask?" he was sarcastic. "I thought something happened to you for God's sake. Your mom was frantic and Nora was beside herself."

Was he trying to make me feel guilty? "I thought we had a date," I answered brazenly.

His eyes widened in surprise. "I – I was supposed to pick you up."

"I got tired of waiting," I lied smoothly. Was the new Suze like this? Did she lie this easily? Frankly, I couldn't care right now. I was busy appreciating Jesse's surprise and the way he smiled – Oh God I want to die. "And the park is beautiful might I add. My compliments to the architect."

Jesse let out a laugh and his hand went straight to his hair, effectively making it messier. That hand gesture did things to me.

"Is he your husband?"

I forgot about the child beside me. My cheeks flushed while Jesse grinned at the kid. He kneeled in front of her and asked, "Do we look good together?"

The girl blushed. Not her too. She nodded almost all at once and smiled shyly at him.

"What – Do I look like I'm married? Do I look that old?" I sputtered.

"Oh Susannah. Always self-conscious as ever," he teased me.

He sat beside the girl and wrapped a long arm around the bench. The movement caused me to flush even more and slightly inch my body forward just to avoid his hand and his fingertips.

He stared at me for a while and continued talking as if we were having a normal conversation. "You look beautiful," he said sincerely.

My heart gave a hard thud and I almost had a heart failure there and then. "I – "

"Ariana!"

"Daddy!"

A man approached us and lifted the girl in his arms. "Where have you been? I've been worried sick."

The girl muttered something and waved at us.

I waved back. I looked at Jesse. He never took his eyes off me the whole time. It was unnerving – that a guy could stare so much. To just stare and breathe in the moment. That was what he seemed to be doing. It made me uncomfortable but at the same time the look was so familiar – so achingly familiar – that it tore at me.

I couldn't take it. I couldn't take what this guy could do to me. I bowed my head. Jesse's hand came in sight and he pushed my hair aside.

"I'm sorry I ran away."

It rolled from my tongue before I can stop it.

Jesse's eyes widened again but then he looked as if he was expecting this from the start.

"I – I didn't want to. But I couldn't control my feet. They took me here."

"You always come here," he said softly.

I do?

"Why?" I asked.

Jesse's eyes crinkled at the sides and he was smiling that smile again. Oh, that smile. "I prefer not to say the reason why."

_Memories of their kisses by the fountain invaded Jesse's mind. He longed for more. But how could there be more when she was so uncertain about things? _

"Fine. Be that way. Keep your secrets," I said huffily. I was irritated that he was not telling me.

"It's not my secret Susannah. It's yours. And I wouldn't go far as to call it a secret."

"How do you expect me to remember when you won't tell me things?" I grumbled as I crossed my arms in annoyance.

"You want me to make you remember?" His tone made the little voice inside my head screamed at me to not look at him if I didn't want to crumble away to nothing. But I deftly ignored it and looked at him. I swallowed when I saw the intensity in his eyes. They were full of unfamiliar things that made me want to run away again. But I stayed where I am. I don't think I could blink if I wanted to.

He was leaning in. I placed a hand on his shoulder – my God he felt strong – and just shut my eyes tight. Just shut my eyes tight and anticipated whatever was going to happen.

I felt his lips…

.

.

.

…brush my forehead. My eyes opened – in disappointment? In shock? Probably both – and I felt like a child. Like he was holding something back.

'_Hey Susannah?'_

'_Yes Jesse?' Her eyes were smiling and they were his sunshine. _

_He grazed her cheek with the backs of his fingertips. Such a tender moment was usual for the two of them. _

'_Will you promise to love me as long as you could?' Jesse was grinning. _

'_You are getting needy Jesse,' she teased him. 'I might have to change my mind about marrying you someday.' _

_He let out a laugh, one that was free of care and worry. 'A dance milady?'_

_He took her arms and steered her here and there. They danced like crazy in the middle of the maze garden annoying some people while making other lovesick couples smile in amusement. _

_He gave her a kiss, one of the many that they've shared. _

'_Yes. I promise to love you forever,' Susannah said after their "dance". _

'_That wasn't what I asked you to promise,' Jesse grinned._

'_You're crazy,' Susannah grinned back at him. _

"This is crazy."

His eyes snapped back to me. He was coming out of a reverie. He was so distracted.

"What's crazy?"

"Nothing. Sorry. Indoor voice," I explained. I winced in embarrassment.

Jesse got up and held out a hand. "Take a walk with me Susannah?" His smile was still in place but something in his eyes was desperate. Like he needed this more than I need.

What I need? A kiss!

Oh heck.

Did I just think that?

I took his hand, the cat was playing with my tongue again and I couldn't speak.

"Say Jesse," I finally regained my voice as we passed white statues.

He looked at me curiously.

"What's your favourite colour?"

He laughed.

What? It seemed like a good idea to start a conversation.

"You know Susannah, not once have you asked me about my favourite colour back when you knew me," he was smiling. That was a good sign right? I ploughed on.

"Well maybe she was never much of a slam book girl," I answered wittily.

Jesse frowned. "She?"

Crap. Now Jesse knew that I speak of my past self in the third person.

"I mean – "

I couldn't say the word _myself._

"Susannah," he began. "You're just the same person. Stop cutting yourself in half."

My face burned in chagrin.

"We're not expecting anything. Well, anything except that you be yourself."

"What if I change?"

"You're scared of that?" he asked me.

I bit my lip. Was I? Hell yes. "I'm scared Jesse."

Jesse's hand tightened and he pulled me towards him. I welcomed the feeling of being in his arms (although technically we were still walking and I was just leaning on his chest).

"You don't need to be."

His words comforted me immensely and I thanked the stars that he was staying beside me. Until when? I don't know for how long but right now it didn't matter. To be honest, with his hand all warm, I couldn't stop thinking how much affection this guy was giving me. Were we perhaps a couple back then?

Ha.

My face was once again burning and I looked at the grey skies just so he wouldn't be able to see me.

I was surprised at what I saw. And I smiled.

The first snowflake had landed.

-.-

_What they didn't know was that their every move was being watched by those blue eyes of his and Suze was sure that she saw an astral glimmer just before they rounded the corner. _

-x-

_And I did cartwheels in your honor; dancing on tiptoes._

A/N: The italicized ones show what Jesse was thinking during their interlude in the maze garden. Except for the last part of course. Chapter five done :3 Your thoughts? Please review :D


End file.
